Random Thought of Dr. J

A friend once told me, “Life is hard. Once you accept that, it becomes almost easy.”

At the time, I thought, “Wow. Super helpful.”   When you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, grieving, burned out, or just trying to hold everything together, quotes and clichés can feel a little condescending.  As I age and gain experience, and the longer I work in social work and trauma, the more I see there is wisdom there.

Many of us quietly believe that eventually life is supposed to be smooth sailing more of the time. We think that at some point we’ll find happy and finally feel settled, confident, healed, successful, calm or whatever we are looking for.  I’ve been guilty of saying – if I get through this week (or month) it will all be fine.

It turns out life doesn’t really work that way. Having challenges does not mean happiness is off the table. A hard season does not erase a meaningful life. You can have a terrible day with moments of joy, and a wonderful day with moments of grief, frustration, or fear. Both things can exist at the same time. I’ve worked at shifting my thinking away from when will  finally have time and I can handle whatever comes my way.

• I have so many moments of joy – and I will identify them.

• I can recognize the good moments.

• This is difficult, but still worthwhile. Not toxic positivity (which I am not fan of!)

Just accepting that struggle is part of being human and not viewing every obstacle as proof that we’re failing. Give yourself grace for your humanness. Be flexible with accepting the rough moments and remember that life is not all or nothing – there will always be shades of difficulty coexisting with joy, connection and laughter.